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I Came to Cover Your Back:

A Night in a Facebook Group for Black Veterans

By Camille D. Ford

Dear Reader,

It was close to midnight on a Monday, and I was still holding my phone, asking myself the same question I couldn't shake. What was that about? I'd just walked away from a fight I never meant to be in, with a woman I had gone out of my way to defend, in a group I'd joined because I wanted to be among Black veterans.

The Post

A sister in a Facebook group for Black veterans had posted a question in white letters on a black background, with three red blood drops underneath. She wanted to know why there had never been national protests against Black-on-Black crime. By the time I found it, the post had about 250 comments, and most of them weren't answers. People called her ignorant. One man called her a moron. Others told her to Google it, told her to organize the protest herself, or told her there's no such thing as Black-on-Black crime, only crime. A few brought up the Million Man March, and she shot back that it was decades ago. She was swinging at almost everybody by then, and some of what she said to those men was rough.

I'm in a lot of these groups. I keep looking for the ones with a vibe that keeps me engaged, and I've noticed something I can't unsee. The only time I see a lot of people comment in numbers is when they want to disrespect each other. Nobody lines up 250 deep to say, 'Good question, sis.' It's really sad.

Why I Stepped In

I thought her question was valid. I'd already had several reasons to leave that group, but I had a little hope left, and she was my hope. So, I commented from the VEM page: 'Why do you think those same national protests haven't taken place? I'd love to feature your take in my publication or bring you on my show for an interview. Let's take this conversation somewhere much bigger than a comment section. I don't do disrespect or hostility. I'll inbox you.' She didn't take it as support. She said it sounded like I was trying to set her up, that she had her own platform, and that she wasn't interested.

Back and Forth

I asked her, 'Set you up...for what exactly? I don't do DRAMA! SMH!' I dropped my link, and I told her the irony was that her defensive response to a professional invitation answered her own original question. She came back and apologized for the misunderstanding. She said she still had her own platform and wasn't comfortable going onto platforms of people she didn't know. I told her mine is built for veterans speaking out, that it has a serious following, and to take care.

A few hours later, she told me I didn't know her, that my comment was unnecessary, and that she could see I was conditional. That's when I let her have it. I told her I'm a Black queen who showed up to support her, that I didn't know her, and that she was coming at me like we had history. I called her a nut. I told her she was the reason I was leaving the group and that I wouldn't even pray for her. Then I wrote, 'Sis, you made this post, and another sister who is influential in this veteran space covered your back, and you came back to shoot me in mine. Girl, you are part of the problem. Bye.' I don't have a filter on social media, and I've never pretended I do. I said some horrible things that night that I didn't mean, about certain things I never meant to say.

Who Was Typing

Then I had to remember who was typing. Those comments didn't go out under my first name. They went out under Veteran Excellence Magazine, and that magazine sits under Camille D. Ford Publishing, my namesake. In that group, I'm not just a woman who was appalled by what she'd experienced, watching all those people attack her as if she'd said something wrong. I'm the Founder and Editor-in-Chief, and every word I posted belonged to the magazine.

So, I deleted what I think I remembered, and hopefully, all is well. The only reason I deleted it is because I don't need to bring drama into this space. For what? I left one comment up: 'I wasn't setting you up. And here's my platform so you'll see I'm not even on that timing.'

We've Been Here Before

The next day, I couldn't stop thinking about Bill Cosby. On May 17, 2004, he stood up at an NAACP Legal Defense Fund gala in Washington, a night meant to honor the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education, and he went in on us. Parenting. Single-parent homes. How our kids talked, what we spent money on, who was dropping out of school and who was going to jail. He told Black folks to stop blaming discrimination and look at what was happening in our own homes. People called it the Pound Cake speech, after a line about people getting shot over a piece of pound cake.

Some people said he was finally saying in public what Black families already said at the kitchen table. Others were furious. Michael Eric Dyson wrote a whole book, Is Bill Cosby Right?, arguing that Cosby was scolding poor Black people while ignoring "white society's responsibility in creating the problems he wants the poor to fix on their own." Years later, the sexual assault cases against Cosby buried that speech under a different scandal, and a lot of the people he'd lectured called it hypocrisy. Back in 2004, though, the argument was over who gets to say it, where they say it, and why. That's the same fight I walked into on a Monday night, 22 years later, in a Facebook group.

Why We Turn on the One Who Says It

I went looking for answers, and it turns out social psychologists have been studying this for a long time. Back in the late 1980s, researchers led by Jose Marques found what they called the black sheep effect. When someone inside a group says or does something that seems to break from the group, the group often judges them more harshly than they'd judge an outsider who did the exact same thing. In a group called Black Veterans, a sister asking about Black-on-Black crime looked to some people like she'd crossed over to the other side. So, they came for her harder than they would've come for a stranger.

Then there's what Matthew Hornsey at the University of Queensland calls the intergroup sensitivity effect. In a 2004 study, he gave Australians the same criticism of Australia and told some of them it came from an Australian and others that it came from an outsider. When an Australian said it, most people agreed. When an outsider said it, about half strongly disagreed, and they didn't like the person who said it. Hornsey found it came down to suspicion of motive. People assume insiders have the group's best interests at heart, and they assume outsiders are out to tear them down.

Reading that, I finally understood her. I was looking at a sister who'd been dragged all day and decided to stand next to her. She was looking at a page with a logo she'd never seen, from a stranger, inviting her to say more on a bigger stage in front of everybody. From where she sat, I didn't look like an insider. I looked like someone with an angle, and 'set me up' was the only way she knew to say it.

The Truth and the Word Never

I believe her question had truth in it, and I still do. Federal data from 1980 to 2008 showed Black Americans were six times more likely than white Americans to be victims of homicide. Burying our people is real, and it's fair to ask why that doesn't put us in the streets the way other deaths do. One brother in that thread said it best when he reminded everyone that more than one thing can be true at the same time.

But I have to be honest about the other side too, because that's my job. Sociologist David Wilson traces the phrase Black-on-Black crime back to the 1970s and '80s, and he points out how often it gets pulled out after police shootings to tell us to clean our own house before we protest. The same federal data showed 84% of white homicide victims were killed by white offenders, and nobody calls that white-on-white crime. Most violence happens between people who live near each other. So, when some of those commenters pushed back on the phrase, or on the word never, and pointed to the Million Man March and the local anti-violence groups that have been doing this work for decades, they weren't all wrong. Calling her ignorant and a moron was wrong, though, and it would've been wrong no matter what she'd asked.

Where I Landed

After writing this entry, I've decided I won't leave that group. I was upset, and I understand now that she felt attacked, and that she thought I was setting her up. I don't compete with women on that level. I compete against myself, and that night I lost.

She asked why we don't show up for each other on a national level. Most nights, we can't even manage it in a comment section, and that night, I was part of the reason why.

The Brother Who Said Yes

The next day, I went back to that thread, and there was a reply waiting for me under the invitation she'd turned down. A brother said he'd love to be on the show too. He wanted to talk about how he serves his community and helps others become positive members of it, to counteract the negativity. I told him, 'That's what my media is about. I'm all about uplifting and sharing the works of veterans that are (in my opinion) the infrastructure of this country. And when someone is the voice of reason or action for the greater good, I want to be in a conversation with them. I don't do debates, and I don't play devil's advocate. What do you do?'

He told me. He travels up and down the East Coast with his friends as a Civil War and Revolutionary War reenactor, teaching people about the African American experience in those wars and the Colored Troops who fought in them. He also creates TV shows and helps other people bring their ideas to life on camera. While 250 people were arguing over whether anybody ever marches for us, he's been out there teaching people about the Black men who did. I sent him a DM and told him, 'Let's publish your story!'

The same words she called a setup, he heard as an open door. I know people aren't the most welcoming with a media presence, and after that night, I understand why a logo can look like an angle before it ever looks like a sister.

Camille

Resources

Veterans Crisis Line | https://www.veteranscrisisline.net

Free, confidential 24/7 support for veterans, service members and their families: dial 988 then press 1, or text 838255.

Cure Violence Global | https://cvg.org

A nonprofit that treats violence as a public health issue and trains community members to interrupt conflicts before they turn deadly.

Advance Peace | https://advancepeace.org

A nonprofit working to end cyclical and retaliatory gun violence in American urban neighborhoods.

The Pound Cake Speech, BlackPast | https://blackpast.org/2004-bill-cosby-pound-cake-speech

The full text of Bill Cosby's May 2004 remarks at the NAACP Legal Defense Fund gala.

It's OK If We Say It, But No One Else Can | https://news.uq.edu.au/2004-03-30-its-ok-if-we-say-it-no-one-else-can

The University of Queensland's summary of Matthew Hornsey's research on how groups react to criticism from insiders and outsiders.

What Does Black-on-Black Crime Actually Mean? | https://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Justice/2016/0922/What-does-black-on-black-crime-actually-mean

The Christian Science Monitor's look at where the phrase came from, why critics object to it, and what the federal data shows.